Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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