i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A+ Viking dick
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
