I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize