I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
