i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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