His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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