sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
