where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
