i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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