Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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