Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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