My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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