It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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