Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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