Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
