take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
