getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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