i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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