The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize