The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
