still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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