The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
