this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
