Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
