Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
