Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
