Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
