I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
