well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
