My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
