my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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