You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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