It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
