Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
