I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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