YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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