just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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