The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
