I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
