I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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