She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
