i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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