True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
