..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
