Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
