dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
