oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize