HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
