a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Acid is not a monday night drug
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
