I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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