After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize