Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
