Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
