hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
then he tried to convert me to islam
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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