If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
