Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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