i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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