I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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