If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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