Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
