Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
