smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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