i think my tv is drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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