1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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