can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize