Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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