I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
