did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
