i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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