I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
