He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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