what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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