hotel room ftw
My friends, they love my intelligence
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
