Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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