No awkward lesbian experiences without me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
