After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
